Earlier in the day, Nicky’s seemed like the perfect place to be; away from school so he didn’t worry about school work, away from home so he didn’t have to see his mother sneaking the Bourbon from the cabinet where she hid her stash of various alcoholic beverages. However, Caleb knew he could only hide the truth from himself for so long; eventually, he would worry about the report that was due in two weeks (a report that he had finished the same week it had been assigned), he would worry about his mother becoming so intoxicated all alone in that big house of theirs that she would slip and hurt herself on her way up to bed.

Caleb always worried about anything and everything… there was no use in running from them anymore, running from problems and ignoring them was what his father had been best at doing, and Caleb was not his father; he fought against that with everything he could possibly muster.

Twisting the arm on the fooseball table with too much force at the thought, the small ball ricocheted off another plastic player on the opposite side of the game table and flew to the popcorn and French fry littered floor again. It was the fourth time tonight and every time it happened, he’d quickly go and fetch the ball, apologizing for the application of too much force, much more than the game required. Of course he’d blame his over zealous actions on the need to win, but Caleb suspected that Pogue was starting to suspect something wasn’t right. The same thing happened when they played pool, balls had gone flying left and right… Pogue had opted to abandon the game early and Caleb hadn’t argued with the suggestion, cue balls were dangerous when they became aerial; at least fooseballs were made of hollow plastic…

Quickly Nicky’s was becoming over-populated. Usually Caleb didn’t mind the faces and the music, but tonight he was getting tired of it expeditiously and the relentless pounding he felt in his head wasn’t subsiding like he would have liked it to. Growling almost to himself, Caleb returned the ball to the table but didn’t resume his grip on the appropriate arms... it wasn’t like him to be like this – or maybe it was – but Caleb knew he couldn’t stand this combination of things much longer… he needed fresh air desperately.

Glancing up at Pogue for a moment, Caleb wasted no more time then was needed. “I think I’m going to step out for a minute…” Caleb murmured his deep voice almost indistinguishable from the background noise as he grabbed his thin fall sweater off the back of the chair at their nearby table, folding it over his arm.

Part of Caleb wasn’t really sure if he wanted to wait for a reply…

The cool air on his face and the back of his neck nipped at the damp spots on his shirt were the sweat had and bled into the material. It was freezing outside as Caleb exited Nicky’s and snuck around the side of the building, somewhere secluded and quiet; even with the sweater Caleb could feel the chill of the night air as the pounding music faded… but he didn’t care too much, the cool air and the growing silence helped his head. In fact, Caleb was sure if he had stayed in Nicky’s much longer, his head would have absolutely exploded. Not figuratively, but still… he didn’t like to think of what would have happened if the pain became too much for him to handle.

Sure, normal headaches wouldn’t have made too much of a difference to him, usually the normal ones weren’t so bad… he could ignore the normal ones while he was having fun, he’d go home later, pop some Advil and head to bed a little earlier than usual. However, a long time ago, Caleb had learned the difference between normal headaches and these headaches.

These headaches were head-splitting, enough to drive anyone to lose focus… and Caleb was thoroughly unfocused; these headaches meant someone was using. Growling under his breath, Caleb’s mind drifted to the first person he could think of, Reid. Reid always used whenever Caleb had specifically told them not to, Reid was always the one to do things against the grain just to get a rise out of him. Usually Caleb hated to admit it, but tonight, Reid was getting more than a rise out of him.

Approaching a small spot in the alley way between Nicky’s and the adjacent business, Caleb outstretched his arm, letting the tips of his fingers rake the metal siding, feeling the grooves and divots as he tried to focus on the cool metal beneath his digits. Stopping, Caleb took a step toward the side of the building, letting his forehead find the cool metal before he took a deep breath to calm his growing nerves. He’d wait out here for a few minutes until he could quell the pain for a good moment and then he’d head back into Nicky’s and try to have fun, or at least act like he was having fun… there was no need to get Pogue worried, if anything, he needed Pogue calm especially since he wasn’t.

Turning, Caleb rested his back against the siding, staring at the brick wall directly across from him for a quiet minute, letting his thoughts consume him. There was definitely something going on, something someone knew about and wasn’t telling him; if he could just think…

The phone ringing in his sweater pocket surprised Caleb, disturbed his silence, and made his head pound just that much more as his hand dove into the pocket on his right side to make the piercing ringing stop. Fishing it out, Caleb blinked against the light that came off the screen as he attempted to check who would be calling him. Pogue. Gritting his teeth, Caleb’s finger hesitated only for a moment over the ‘ignore’ button before he clicked it and turned off his phone.

Returning the now silent device to his pocket, Caleb let his head fall back on the wall and closed his burning eyes, just thinking in the silence. He didn’t doubt that Pogue would find him soon, but until then, Caleb would revel in the silence.

Caleb’s fingers were numb as he curled them into tight fists in his pockets; he hadn’t bothered to check the time, so he wasn’t quite sure how long he had been in the alley, alone…

So many things pressed on his mind, unwanted pressure from mostly unwanted thoughts. Shifting his hands in his pocket, Caleb felt the cold nip of his car keys against his bare digits. Maybe he should just get out of here, drive home without telling anyone so that they wouldn’t have to see him like this and then call them in the morning when this whole thing decided to blow over.

Blow over.

What if it didn’t? What if there was something seriously wrong and he was the one brushing it off like it was nothing? Caleb pulled his head off the siding, forcefully returning it to where it had once been resting with a jolt of his neck as his head came into contact with the metal loudly. Immediately, Caleb regretted the action as a sharp pain, originating in his temples, shot through his head like an ice pick. Ripping his hands from his pockets, Caleb’s keys fell to the ground with a metallic clatter, his hands on either side of his head as he hunched over almost crippled with the pain. Letting his legs fold beneath him, Caleb slid down the wall, his sweater catching slightly on the studs from the screws that secured the siding, but he didn’t pay attention. The pain was overwhelming now, every sound – infinitesimal or loud -- was excruciatingly painful. The ground was damp as Caleb finally stopped sliding, his legs curled in close to his body as he tried to contain the pain, make it stop if only for a second. Even a second would have been reprieve.

Biting his lip, Caleb felt his teeth scoring his skin, directing the pain somewhere else used to work when he was a kid… but it didn’t seem to be working now.

Turning his tight eyes around the dark alley, Caleb looked for something to distract him, something to… as his eyes scanned the pile of empty bottles and kegs, Caleb’s eyes lingered on them for too long. Within seconds, the empty kegs shuddered slightly on their own accord, soon followed by the reverberating sound of the glass of the empty beer bottles clinking together in the cardboard case.

“No…” Caleb murmured through clenched teeth, his hands sliding to cover his ears as he closed his eyes tightly, this couldn’t be happening. Not now, not ever.

The pain, like a thousand neurons misfiring in one organized siege against his brain caused Caleb to completely forget that Tyler was there. No matter how much he wanted to conceal it, there was no possible way he could anymore, he could barely figure out how to speak let alone walk, talk and shoot pool without killing anyone within a fifteen foot radius. In fact, thinking absolutely made the pain worse; if he could just stop thinking… maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much.

He could hear Pogue and Tyler speaking with him, shaking him so that his brain felt like a piece of soft fruit a blender. But he couldn’t hear what they were saying really, couldn’t think about anything but to stop thinking. Squeezing his eyes shut, Caleb felt his lips moving, felt his tongue shaping the letters that he wanted to sound out, but he couldn’t hear the words. Caleb was floundering, his eyes shut he could feel them begin to burn beneath his eye lids as he struggled to keep from opening his eyes… he feared what might happen if he did. This definitely wasn’t something that was going to blow over, he knew that now.

Fighting against the second source of pain now originating from behind his eye lids, Caleb wasn’t sure how long he kept his eyes shut before the burning, searing pain finally won out against his attempts. Lids flashing open, Caleb’s eyes were no longer soft, kind brown ones but deep and endless inky black pools… a sign of absolute power and Caleb did not feel close to being in control.

The feeling shook him, he had always been a man of complete control, and now… a series of sounds that turned his stomach caught Caleb’s attention now, the sound of shattered glass moving, picking itself up… preparing for something horrific.

The first shards of glass whizzed past Caleb’s ear, nicking the top very bottom of his left lobe, the side where Caleb could feel Tyler’s finger’s grasping at his sweater. Turning his eyes on Tyler, Caleb’s lips moved noiselessly once more… he couldn’t even warn him.

For the moment, something other than pain coursed through Caleb’s system… fear.

The next thing Caleb knew, the pain was gone… just gone; without explanation, without warning, almost beyond anything possible. But it wasn’t something Caleb rejoiced in it wasn’t a feeling in which he found solace because his relief had come at a price, a price that he had not been willing to pay.

Turning, Caleb could almost feel the hot sting of the cut on his ear and a warm, sticky wet feeling that made a trail down his neck, joining the sweat spots in a crimson mess. But really, he couldn’t feel it; his feelings were completely disconnected from his body, numbness overcoming his entire being so that he couldn’t even feel his legs as he picked himself up off the ground. This couldn’t be happening, this had to be one of those nightmares he always had now and again, about not being strong enough to take care of everyone, of losing track and being the one to kill his friends, his brothers. It felt strange, his heartbeat echoing loudly in his ears as Tyler yelled at him as he approached, as Tyler touched Pogue who lay still and unmoving on the ground while dialing his cell phone, panicked.

"How could you?! What's wrong with you?! Look at him! Caleb, fucking look at him!"

“I –” Caleb stuttered floundering as his eyes stuck to Pogue’s unmoving body laying there, the cement around him shimmering with blood covered glass shards and glinting with tiny traces of blood that had managed to seep out after the initial onslaught. What had he done? It was impossible to look anywhere but at Pogue, at what he had done. How could he have lost control so… easily? “I don’t know what happened…” Caleb’s hands shook as he crouched beside Tyler and he didn’t bother trying to hide hit as he hunched over Pogue. It was a first for him, he had never admitted to losing control, to being vulnerable, to being completely helpless… god dammit, what the hell had he done?

“I – I lost control… the pain…” Caleb stopped, there was no explanation, and a pain of a different kind was taking over again.

It was like the headache all over again, except this time, his chest ached, his heart picked up pace as his eyes flickered over the shiny spots of what Caleb could only assume was blood dotting Pogue’s jacket. Caleb couldn’t even think straight, his thoughts erratic and uncontrolled as he glanced across at a frantic Tyler whom on top of being completely sick was now sporting a nasty looking bump and gash. Suddenly, Caleb’s mind flickered erratically to another thought, his eyes becoming glassy as he looked at Tyler... Tyler.

The glass had been originally out for Tyler, if it had hit him… Caleb literally shuddered at the thought. Pogue had used himself to shield Tyler…

“Pogue!”

Turning his attention now to the blond, Caleb refrained from touching Pogue as he spoke, disparity lacing every syllable that escaped his lips as his eyes searched his friend’s face.

“Oh God…”

Caleb’s could feel his heart skip a beat when Pogue spoke; not his fault? Of course it was his fucking fault… he had been the one that hadn’t gone home when he should have, he had been the one that agreed to go to Nicky’s. If he had gone home, if he hadn’t agreed to come to Nicky’s tonight… Caleb swallowed the growing lump in his throat with great difficulty. Everything was his fault.

Letting a shaking hand wash over his face, Caleb let it rest over his mouth for a moment before he took a deep breath; he had to ensure his words wouldn’t crack in his throat as he spoke. “Pogue… just hold on, don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” Caleb wasn’t a horrible liar, but even as his own words reached his lips, he could hear the fraud in them… he didn’t doubt the other two could as well. “I promise.”

Promises… what good were they now? Caleb had also promised himself that he wouldn’t let anything happen to his friends, obviously that promise was quickly shattered by what happened here tonight, by what was happening to Tyler. What good were his promises to others if he couldn’t even keep a promise to himself?

Tyler hated him; Caleb could see it in the way the younger son looked at him now. The way he flinched slightly as Caleb moved close now, but he didn’t blame him. Caleb hated himself more than anyone could right now.

Reid was most likely on his way now, and when he found out what happened, Reid would vie for hating Caleb more than he could hate himself, and Caleb knew he deserved it, almost welcomed it. However, as fast and as reckless and Reid drove, with one more look upon Pogue, Caleb doubted he or anyone for that matter would make it here on time.

Tyler seemed to have been thinking the same thing because as Caleb watched, Tyler prepared himself slightly, his eyes clouding over until they became pools of dark nothingness.

“Tyler…” Caleb croaked, the slight authority left in him momentarily seeping through with his words. Tyler was in no condition to be using, but he didn’t seem to care, even ignoring Caleb as he spoke. “Tyler, stop –.”

Before Caleb could say anymore, several shards of glass pulled themselves from Pogue’s body, falling to the pavement almost noiselessly. It was then that Tyler stopped, but not because Caleb had told him to, but because a cough rocked his frame.

Furrowing his brow, Caleb watched as Tyler wiped the blood away from his mouth before he murmured something to Pogue which Caleb knew, he probably wasn’t meant to hear. Reflex kicked in then and Caleb raised his hand to reach out to Tyler, but in an instant, Caleb stopped, pulling his hand away before he came close to touching the youngest boy’s shoulder. Tyler didn’t want to be near Caleb right now, that much was evident… touching him was not a good idea. Reeling in his hand, Caleb glanced down at Pogue once more… there was something he could do, in fact, Tyler had had the right idea… but with what had just happened, it was a risk in itself.
A risk which could cost Pogue his life; if Caleb lost control again…

No, he wouldn’t think of that. It wouldn’t happen again, and he couldn’t bear to stay there and just do nothing anymore, and as the idea flashed through his mind once more, it screamed risk. But Pogue would die if Caleb did nothing… and he couldn’t let that happen, he wouldn’t let that happen.

Glancing once more at Tyler, Caleb curled his hand into a fist and slowly raised it until it hovered above Pogue’s chest. Swallowing the growing lump that threatened to raise tears, Caleb relaxed his digits and let his hand open up over Pogue as his eyes glazed over and became and inky black once more.

Pogue was not going to die if he had any say in it.

Caleb felt his nose start to bleed. There were always side-effects to the healing thing, especially when one considered the amount of damage Pogue’s body had gone through. Scraped knees and deep cuts were one thing, but this… Caleb had seen it in Pogue’s eyes, the light was fading and he had been on his way out. With Tyler’s help, Caleb had literally snatched Pogue from the greedy, bony fingers of death as it breathed in the sweet smell of a new victim.

“Over my dead body…” Caleb’s thoughts almost growled as the imagery flashed too vividly in his minds eye. By this time, Caleb could taste the salty, metallic blood as it rolled over his lip and seeped into his mouth. God, he hated that taste. Using the sleeve of his sweater, Caleb wiped the blood away from his mouth crudely. So what if it stained? He did the laundry in the house anyway.

“Pogue.” The sigh of absolute relief was evident in his voice as he spoke to the blond, shuffling up closer to lift his friend to his feet. Snatching his keys up off the ground and grabbing Pogue’s arm, Caleb draped it around his own shoulder, supporting him. “We need to get you to the hospital.”

Biting back the pain from his new wounds, Caleb slowly shifted down the alley after Tyler toward his car. For once, he really didn’t care about the leather interior, or the carpeting. Pogue could bleed all over his car as much as he liked, just as long as he made it to the hospital.

As Caleb left Pogue’s side, he headed – pain, from new injuries that originally were not his to bear, and all – after Tyler in the darkened parking lot. There was no way the youngest was going to be driving home, not with the condition he was in and especially not after what had happened tonight. It was easy to see that Tyler was not doing well… it wouldn’t have been hard for him to cough and for the Hummer to jump out of control for a single second. The second was all it could take most of the time and Caleb would not allow that to happen.

Approaching the Hummer, Caleb could see Tyler struggling into the vehicle even in the dark and it pained him. The sickness wasn’t something normal, but the doctors had said Tyler would get over it with a couple days rest. However, Caleb hadn’t seen any improvement since the last time the boys had visited the youngest son… he still looked like a member of the living dead, he still coughed up blood and pretended it was nothing.

Hearing the engine start up as he neared the truck, Caleb shielded his eyes with his arm when the lights shone on his face, blinding him slightly. “Tyler…” Caleb called out, stepping out of the lights before inching his was closer to the vehicle in which the boy sat. It was only a few seconds, something for which he could thank his long legs, before Caleb reached the driver’s side door and peered through the window at Tyler.

“Tyler, I’m taking Pogue to the hospital and I’m taking you home too. I don’t think you should be driving yourself anywhere tonight.” Caleb did his best to sound stern as he pulled open the door, hardly waiting for Tyler to even think about whether he wanted to open it for him. Maybe stern wasn’t the right way to approach this situation though, however, Caleb wanted to make sure there was no room for argument. Caleb wanted Tyler to understand that this was something he wasn’t going to take ‘no’ on.